Wow, not loving the iPad makes me Anti-Apple apparently

First let me clarify a few things. I intend to buy a 32GB Wi-Fi+3G iPad. I am an undying gadget freak and it’s cool enough to warrant some plastic-rash. Let me also add that in the last decade I have owned:

• 12” Powerbook
• 15” Powerbook
• G4 PowerMac
• Dual G5 PowerMac
• 15” Macbook Pro
• 24” iMac
• Dual Quad Xeon Mac Pro
• 20” iMac
• 17” Macbook Pro Unibody
• Quad Xeon Mac Pro
• 40GB 3rd Gen iPod
• 160GB 5.5 Gen iPod
• 8GB 3rd Gen Nano
• 1GB Shuffle
• 2GB Shuffle
• Apple TV
• 8GB iPhone 3G

Not to mention tons of keyboards, mice, cables, Logic Studio, Aperture, iLife, every major OS update, Final Cut Express…

I would hope that spending 10s of Thousands of dollars at the altar of Steve Jobs gives me just a bit of credibility when I lodge a few complaints with any of their devices.

I might be ranting a bit because I was called out for my opinions being negative because I am Anti-Apple. The reality is that I am not Pro or Anti-Apple. I just like cool gadgets and software. I don’t see in brand, I see in functionality.

That being said, while I will buy an iPad, I do have some comments on the device.

1. How can you say the entire internet in your pocket? It doesn’t support flash. Either a) it’s a technical or licensing limitation or b) it’s a way to keep content on your iPad coming from Apple via your credit card and not free on the web. I HOPE it’s a, but being that I work for the largest software company in the world, I know these things aren’t technically impossible, and Apple could license it if it wanted, Adobe has said as much.
2. No multitasking? You say it’s better than a netbook, but even on a cramped netbook I can talk with my friends via IM and browse Apple.com to see what else I just can’t live without. Why not run iPhone apps in a movable window and remove the need for up scaling full screen mode or ridiculous letterbox if you can even call it that.
3. Oh you adapter hocking bastards. Tell me you can’t put a USB port on it, or an SD slot in the side. I don’t to have to carry a bag full of dongles and adapters to connect it to projectors, TVs, computers, card readers and cameras. I get your design aesthetic, but give users a break on these $29 a pop “Accessories.” You might as well call yourself HP and start selling ink.
4. While we are on the topic of not being just a big iPhone and up scaling iPhone apps, give me a widescreen HD screen. 1366×720 or similar in a widescreen ratio. HD is where it’s at. Your laptops have been kicking it for what, 8 years?
5. Quit pretending it’s not just a big iPod Touch.

Your fan boys are covering the last one, consider the following tweets:

@philoking Different processor, iPhone 3.2 OS before available b4 touch and iPod, better Bluetooth unit, 3g without contract, gestures not

@philoking supported by touch and iph, iWork for iPad, doc with keyboard for pc fanboys that need physical keyboard, because they can’t…

@philoking … Realize that voice recognition and virtual keyboards will soon replace physical keyboards. Your anti Apple is showing.

Ok, I’ll bite.

• A new version of the same os? One I assume our phones will get shortly? wow.
• Better Bluetooth? Try more functional Bluetooth, or less disabled Bluetooth.
• 3G without contract isn’t a feature, it’s then realizing they can’t sucker the public into two contracts.
• I am not seeing any gesture support that is new, revolutionary, or not supported (or technically possible) on the iPhone.
• Keyboard support? The only reason the iPhone doesn’t have it is because they crippled the Bluetooth support, as far as I know allowing something to do something it’s supposed to do isn’t really a feature.
• I hope to God virtual keyboards don’t replace real keyboards, they suck.

The bottom line is that it is cool. The reality is that it’s not revolutionary, it’s not amazing, it’s not the most technologically advanced device on the market, and for God’s sake, quit saying it’s fucking magical. I have never been more personally offended than I was by this quote by Jonathan Ive

“when something exceeds your ability to understand how it works, it’s magical, and that’s what the iPad is.”

We can’t understand how it works? It’s a little bitty computer, just like the others I have spent my money on. I get how it works.

Apple, you made a bigger iPod Touch with 3G. I always wanted a bigger iPod Touch. I am buying one, big deal.

Feel free to set my comments afire, I expect it.

Submit this post to

• Oh EU, DOJ, turn your Mordor like gaze to Mr. Jobs.
• What should an e-book cost?
• Apple Automator For the Win!
• Everything we know about the Apple Tablet
• I am sorry Apple, it’s true, you are a monopoly
• Just when I think record labels don’t get it, they go and prove that they REALLY don’t get it
• A look at stupid statistics – NPDs flawed view that 91 percent of over $1000 computers are Apples means success
• The Apple fanboy frame of mind
• The Truth About Geniuses, Viruses and Good Marketing
• 10 Free OS X Apps I Can’t Live Without